Welcome to my Life
by headoverheels4HP
Summary: The first war, someone has to exspress the horrors that were going on! no matter how hard it is, but can someone save him from the path that his going down the path of no love? AN: just thought about it...enjoy. :


A/N: The first war, nobody could just be immune to it, some body had to realize the horrors that were going on, so I came up with this fic…hope you like it its sort of angsty maybe…shrugs

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize

**Welcome to my Life **

A tear rolls hotly down my face as I wipe it quickly away and run a hand through my constantly messy hair. My hazel eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, as I lay in my bed as I had been doing for the past four hours. My friends had vainly tried to wake me from my reverie but I wasn't budging.

She had done it again, torn my heart from its socket and walked over it with out a backwards glance. She was my angel, my light in the darkness, the crystal that casts rainbows on my world. Yet, I am her bane, the one that stains her pure world, but I am through. No more Lily Evans for me, no more staring at her twirling her hair absentmindedly as it shines like dancing fire. No more staring at her glowing green eyes when she laughs at her friends' jokes. No more glancing at the pure milky white skin on her neck…who am I kidding, I'm whipped.

Another tear rolls down my face like liquid fire; I don't bother to wipe it away this time, a reminder of the pain casting a shadow on my life. It feels like the pain is consuming my life. My father dead to Voldemort's evil wrath, my mother now trying to find her self a replacement in other men basically now a common slut, and I did nothing to stop her I am to absorbed in the fact that some girl doesn't like me back.

Lily Evans has blinded me, my best friend needs my help his family shunned him and although it's been two years I know he's not over it. My other best friend has a monster that takes over his body every month and nothing he can do about it, but he's also the kindest person I will ever know. My other best friend is becoming distant and none of us ever bother to see where he goes when he's not with us, we're too consumed with our self's to see his drifting away to no where good.

We are all graduating in a month and we're not ready, no one is ready for the horrors that await us out side these Hogwarts walls. We all skip around pretending like hundreds of people aren't dieing due to Voldemort.

Well that's not going to happen to me, I will be ready and I will avenge the man who tore my family apart.

Tears were flowing freely now, soaking my face and the pillow beneath my head. A seventeen year old man crying I thought bitterly. I pushed my self off the bed and slowly, unsurely walked to the bathroom rinsing my face. I was a new man, no more jokes for me, no more Lily Evans, no more ditching my responsibilities, no more.

&&&

The days passed and there were whispers that followed me like demons in the halls, stares whipping in my wake. People were scared; one of the craziest, self-centered, most foolish, boys in Hogwarts had turned into a man in four hours.

I didn't laugh, I didn't smile, I did my duties, I spent more time in the library, I ignored Lily Evans, I paid attention in class, I didn't strut or swagger I walked. I had changed and every body at Hogwarts had noticed, the teachers sent me worried glances, my friends tried to bring back the old me that was buried under the stacks of pain. Nothing worked, I was a changed man.

At night when everyone was asleep it would come out, I would cry silently into my pillow releasing it until the next night when it would undoubtedly happen again. My friends were worried, I knew, but they didn't realize what was out there, the horrors, the death, and the unjustness of the world. All they knew were these walls, this prison. The moment they get out of these walls their world is going to be shattered, but mine won't because I don't have a world. I have shut off everything so I cant have anymore pain, no more loss, its no way to live but it's virtually painless, except at night when no one can see or hear.

&&&

A week passed, stares still hunted me and whispers followed me like ghosts, but what was most peculiar was Lily. She would stare at me during class with a thoughtful look on her face, her eyes clouded with reflection. I would continue taking my notes pretending I couldn't see her out of the corner of my eye.

Exactly a week after my epiphany she approached me.

"James can I speak with you," she says hopefully

"Sure," I reply curtly

We walked out of the great hall into a large hall way.

"I miss you James," she says tears clouding her emerald eyes

"I'm right here," I reply turning to walk away but she grabs my arm quickly

"James you know what I mean, why the change James was it me?"

"No," I say quietly

"Why?" tears once again swimming in her emerald orbs

I turn to her forcefully my eyes expressing all my fears and angers, "Lily you don't understand once we leave these walls, this prison we won't have anything! Our families are being torn apart by a monster; we have ourselves that's it! No one can help us out there we can't practice our spells for homework right before we are going to be murdered. And if we are murdered what happens to the ones we love will they die of grief, or will they spend the rest of their lives searching for the replacement that will never replace the first one? Will our friends try to avenge our deaths and get them self's killed then what happens to their loved ones? It's a vicious cycle that can't end and all we can do to stop it is to not love." I finished breathing heavily.

Lily had tears flowing out of her emerald green eyes like rain, "James you don't think I know! My parents were murdered by Voldemort too, but you can't push away everyone you love, you have got to move on, no one is prepared for what's out there but that's the adventure, we have to keep going. We can't close our selves off, isn't it better to love and lose that never to love at all?" Tears were flowing freely from Lily's eyes; I gently wiped them away with the pad of my thumb.

Lily glanced up into my eyes and put her hands on the side of my face drawing me down towards hers. My lips met hers they were so soft and warm gently moving against mine, I ran my tongue along her bottom lip begging entrance, she granted it. I placed my hands gently on her hips pulling her forward closer to me; her arms went around my neck playing with the fine hairs at the nape of my neck. I shuddered with goose bumps.

I pulled away gently, she looked up at me and smiled taking my hand in hers we went back into the great hall and sat down next to my friends.

"Hey prongs how are you doing mate?" Sirius said glancing over at me.

"Never better," I replied my mouth lifting in a smile for the first time in a week. The whole hall seemed to light up and everyone seemed to relax for James Potter was back maybe not so immature but he was back.

A/N: so did you like it…I just thought nobody could just be immune to the evil that was going on…


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